Big Ass Air Plant

Tillandsia xerographica
True to its nickname, this one's quite large for an air plant.

Low Maintenance

A ten day surf trip to Bali is still in the cards. Water before leaving and you're jet set.

Pet Friendly

If Spike were to eat your plant, he'd be totally fine. Your heart? Not so much.

Indestructible

Yep, even a neglectful, black thumb like yours will manage to keep this one alive.

The big ass air plant thrives in bright, indirect light and needs water once a week. All you need to do is plug your sink and let it soak in lukewarm water for 10-15 minutes. Shake excess water from the bulb and dry it upside down to prevent root rot in their crevasses.

If you see crisping or shriveling on the edges, your big ass air plant is getting too much direct light. Move it away from the light source to make it happier.

I mean, it's big. HUGE. This big ass air plant is about four inches high and five inches wide. 

How to not kill me

Watering

Bathe it once a week

Plants can bathe, it's 2018. Dim the lights, sprinkle the rose petals, and burn some of that Le Labo Santal. Okay but really, soak it in lukewarm water for 15 minutes once a week and dry it upside down so no water remains in its root ball.

Sunlight

Bright and Indirect

Think bright, dappled light that streams through the classiest of sheer JC Penney curtains. The brighter the better, but direct sunlight will burn its leaves. Let's not do that.

Humidity

Slays in high humidity

The more moisture it can absorb from the air, the better. Let it be better.

Protip

Dry it upside down

This helps excess water flow out of the bulb, which prevents root rot.